Posted on November 11, 2012
I’ll be 47 years old in a couple of weeks. I remembered I was 12 years old; and one day while walking home from school — for some reason, thoughts of what my life would be like when I’m 47 came to mind… it seems like forever at the time — 35 years away. Yet, little did I realize that it would come a lot quicker than what my childish mind have perceived. At the time I thought I probably would have kids, have a husband who loves me forever… have a house filled with love and laughter, I would be this great artist, and have the financial independence to travel the world; all the innocent thoughts of a child — full of hopes and dreams — dreams of that perfect life. The only things that came true were the kids. And while not great… I’m an artist.
It has been quite a tumultuous journey… my so call journey of life. Often times I wonder why some people seem to have a life that seems so easy — so perfect. They set out to get what they want: work hard and obtained their desires. Then there are many of us who seems to wander endlessly… like a feather in the wind — seeking the same and yet we can’t seem to get it no matter how hard we try. Perhaps it’s because our destiny has already been etched in stone and we can’t change it — no matter how we tried to rewrite it. And yet, my tenacious personality refuses to let me believe that. I find myself keep trying… wanting to rewrite my destiny. Because I just don’t want to settle for less — at least not all the time. There are situations beyond my control that I have to do whatever to survive. However, what really bothers me more than anything else in this world is to depend my livelihood on people who are undependable.
Last week, I was so happy to finally find a job so soon after closing my restaurant. It was such a relief to know the furry kids and I would not be homeless. And the job has a lot of potential for me to move forward financially. I was told to start work on Monday. The owner said he would call me to let me know the exact time. Monday came and by 10 am, I didn’t hear anything; I called the owner. My alarm sensor went off when I heard his voice. He made some excuses about being busy and that he would call me back in an hour. Well… an hour later and still no words. I try to be optimistic and gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was busy. I decided to call my landlord to let him know the good news and I won’t have to move out of the apartment. Little did I know that phone call would change the course of my life in an instant. I was shocked, disappointed and disgusted beyond belief when I found out through my landlord that I don’t have the job. My landlord had lunch with the owner’s fiancé over the weekend and she told him they are not going to hire me. We both knew it was her who didn’t want to hire me… jealous? But what made me even angrier was the fact that neither the owner nor the general manager had the courtesy to call and let me know personally. When I finally talked to the GM, he sounded very uncomfortable, gave me some lame excuse on why the change of plan and that he would have called me sooner but he didn’t have my phone number… really… I deserved a better answer than that.
Needless to say, this week I’ve been ridding on an emotional roller coaster — pondering about my seemingly torturous life. Why God? I asked. I don’t ask for much. I don’t want all the material crap or the desire to be filthy rich. I just want a joyful, peaceful life where I can contribute some positive difference and to share it with someone who will love me for who I am. Seems simple enough and yet it has been easier said than done.
After beating myself up, and being angry at the world for the week, I decided that I wasn’t going to let this set back get the best of me. As they say… back to the drawing board. Even though once again, the furry kids and I have to deal with being homeless. And my job opportunities don’t look very promising. I try to see the positive things in this ordeal. As I sit and looked through the photos I took on my recent trip, I realized how lucky I am to be able to travel freely and captured the beauty of my world. I’m grateful to have taken the weekend trip before the bad news. At least, I fulfilled my dream of visiting one of the most amazing landscapes in person.
While I’m not sure where this journey will continue to take me, I know it will not be empty. Until we meet again my fellow bloggers and friends… Happy Trails!
With a view like that… I would be more than happy to live in a box.
Posted on November 6, 2012
I thought life have finally decided to be kind to me and gave me a break. After the closing of my restaurant, it took every cent I had, and with the imminent homelessness nipping at my heels; I thought I finally found the saving grace. A job that not only pays me what I need to live on but I would be able to utilize all the skills and experience I have accumulated over my life time. On Friday, the owner, owner’s fiancé, and the general manager met with me for lunch. After some
selling discussions on my qualifications — I was hired. We shook hands and they said I would start Monday. Well… to say I was elated would be an understatement. I thought… finally… someone who actually sees my multi-talents as an asset rather a deterrent. I decided to take a weekend road trip to clear my mind — and prepare myself for the new challenges ahead of managing the bank accounts of a multi-million dollar company.
After looking over the map of Arizona, I thought I should just finish the other half of Route 66. Except instead of seeking truth and forgiveness, I was seeking amazing vistas to quench my creative mind. And most of all to reinforce my belief that I am a strong and capable woman who can overcome any challenges that come my way…
Unfortunately, I didn’t find the other half of Route 66 as fascinating and visually inviting as the western half. It doesn’t have the diverse landscapes I’ve experienced on the other side. For the most part, the landscape was boring and flat. And a good majority of Route 66 was also part of Interstate 40 and somehow having to drive 75 miles per hour and being sandwiched between semi-trucks didn’t bring the same peace and nostalgia feel my previous Route 66 trip had evoked. However, being the photographer always trying to see something out of nothing… I did my best to see beyond the surface.
Along the way, I also stopped by a couple of
tourist traps attractions: The Meteor Crater and Petrified Forest. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see either attraction up close. It cost $ 15.00 to see the Meteor Crater and $ 10.00 for the Petrified Forest. I have this aversion for paying to see Mother Nature’s handy work when we already paid so many taxes. Since I have a 4 x 4 SUV, I thought I would circumvent the crater and perhaps find an area that had free access. No such luck. There were fences and no trespassing warning signs all over the place.
Since I didn’t get to see the Petrified Forest and being a rock-hound, I decided to stop by at one of the Petrified Forest gift shops to get a souvenir to add to my rock collection. When I walked in, I asked the woman behind the counter about using the restroom. She replied in a grumpy tone that the restroom is for customers only. I told her I would buy something after. She was still pretty grumpy after I used the restroom and was looking around her shop at all the different rocks and gemstones. I suppose, I can understand her manner. I know I would get rather irritated when two people want to share an $8 entrée at my restaurant. Though, I wasn’t grumpy; I did imposed a split plate charge to cover for the ice water with lemon slices, the napkins, the wear and tear of dishes, silverware etc. It is expensive to operate a business. Every thing costs money one way or another. So for my purchase, I chose a bag of mixed Petrified wood and a piece of desert rose. The woman became very friendly after my purchase. We chatted about the attractions in the area and I told her about my disappointment with the lack of exciting landscape for photography. She told me that if I want amazing landscape photography opportunities, I need to go up north to see the Monument Valley. I have heard of it and have seen some of the monuments in movies. She took out a map from behind the counter and showed me exactly how I can get there. I decided not to go to New Mexico and to head up to Monument Valley instead. On my way… I got see a beautiful sunset.
Once again, this is one of those “Listen to your intuition and you can’t go wrong…” kind of moment. Happy Trails…
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