I feel Old But Proud

While there were many challenges in being a single parent, the most difficult challenge was being separated from my son. When Kyle was 10 years old, he chose to live with his dad in Arizona. I saw him as often as I could but given the cost and my constant struggle to make ends meet, it wasn’t as frequently as I would have liked. Needless to say, every time when Kyle visited me, he grew older and taller — yet my memories of him remained at age 10 and I find myself having to readjust my thoughts and behavior according to his age with every visit.

Over the weekend, I got a visit from Kyle and his dad. They were coming back from their gold seeking adventure in Nome, Alaska. It has been almost two years since I last saw Kyle and this time he changed even more. The last time I saw him, he was an awkward teenager. This time, I almost didn’t recognize him. Kyle has grown into a confident, handsome looking young man. I can’t believe that he is already sixteen.

Where did the time go? Seems like it was only yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital — so cute and chubby.

We had a great visit though very short. Seeing my baby all grown up definitely made me feel old but I’m very proud that he is turning into such a remarkable young man.

As I watch Kyle drove away, I felt the same old familiar pain in my heart and wish he would stay. There is so much I wanted to say without the distance being in the way…


23 Comments on “I feel Old But Proud

  1. he is a good looking boy on the cusp of manhood. There is love in those eyes. There is love in yours, too. Karma has its way.

    • Kyle has always been very loving and kind. I’m sure someday he’ll remember all the good times we had when he was little.

  2. Gorgeous, handsome boy. Stunning story. Remarkable and extremely courageous to share. It’s so good to here that you are so proud of him. I hope to look back and say the same thing as you have here. You are an inspiration Emily.

  3. What a nice son! I’m sure that your son love you each other.
    I could understand what my mother thought about me.

  4. What great photos of Kyle. I, as you know, totally understand your decision Em (as hard as it is) and stand by you 100% of the way.

  5. Lovely portraits Emily. You guys look really happy together. I can’t imagine being separated from my kids. Both my girls are convinced they’re going to live with us forever!

    • The innocence of being a kid… I remember when Kyle wanted to live with me forever too… he was about 6 years old and he told me when he becomes an adult, he was going to move into the apartment above us so that I would be able to see him everyday. How I cherish those moments. 🙂

  6. sounds like that would be a very hard thing to have to deal with. hope you guys are still as close as you look in the photos.

    • We were close until after he moved away. I hope someday he’ll remember the good times we had and we can have a better relationship. As difficult as it may be being separated from him, I take comfort knowing he is doing well and staying out of trouble.

    • Thanks Mike. Hopefully, I can tempt him with my cooking and he’ll come back for a visit during his winter break from school. Yup, he got my good looks. 😉

  7. Oh Emily.what a gift of a Mother’s love to allow for the son to live where he chooses and not make it more difficult for him. If not for the distance, you would have moments to share more frequently. He looks like you you know and is very handsome. Excellent photography, as always.

    • Thanks for your lovely comment Leslie. It was a very difficult choice letting him go but I felt he was old enough to choose his path. And it would be wrong of me to prevent him of that opportunity. I knew that our relationship might suffer due to the long distance but I did what I felt was right for him regardless of my own desire to keep him with me. Hopefully some day he will understand the eternal love I have for him.

      While I love both of my boys, it is nice to have a kid who looks like me. Unlike my older son who looks more like his dad (click link to read the post I did on him — https://emilygoochphotos.wordpress.com/2010/12/02/not-his-nanny/)

      • The older son looks like you, too but his head is longer and narrower in appearance than Kyle’s and yours, I think. Skin tones are the same with you and Kyle. That is all. All of you together? I would guess you were a family! Thank you for sharing that post. i must have missed that one or began following you after that one. Thank you, Emily!

  8. I can relate..What a handsome son Emily. None of us can get away from painful experiences but it helps to have friends that care and understand.. (:

    • I know… there are some pains that even all the time in the Universe can’t heal it completely. It’s part of life’s challenges. Though, you are right about having friends that care and understand… thanks Roberta for being a friend. 🙂

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